i've had enough

i can't believe this is 1st post in 2015.
in april.
i was 28 few days ago.
cool. pretty cool.
sbb i dunno but i feel like dis is the 1st time i'm feeling blessed dimurahkan rezeki umoq.
sebelom ni i was like.. what? 27?? me? tuanya.. xkawin lagi.. x tu lagi.. x ni lagi. grr. rasa sengal kejap.
oh. sungguh matang.

when i'm here.. yaa.. u should know i am super duper stressed. super duper heart feeling.. coz dis is the only reason why i'm here. to release the pain by using keyboard. like those keyboard warrior. i tot.

they said.. never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about. tp bg saya u kena givap kalau someone tu x fight for u too. u should. dan masalah tu jadi lebih serius sbb dia bukan je orang yg u terpk pk setiap hari, setiap minit hatta saat sekalipun, malah.. dia lebih daripada itu. dia as one of sumber ketenangan. dia as pain killer. dia as.. what else?? ubat tdo..? haaa.. ya still. no i mean doesn't mean he's not here for me i can't sleep.. no.... kalau betoi mampoih dah kot sy ni.. tp bila dia ada.. kita rasa tenang.. n yup yup.. tdo dengan aman damai sekali.. but then... ini semua cuma disebelah pihak. pihak sy. dia x.. boleh x bayangkan susahnya sy nk letgo dia. boleh paham x...

setupid sgt rasa when i love you like i've never been hurt. sedangkan hakikat dia.. hm. if only i can show u the flaws. broken to the piecesssssssss. i want to follow my heart, like they told me to do so.. but then i asked myself.. which pieces u wanna follow? it is in a million pieces.. which piece should i follow then....

kadang2 terpikiaq jugak.. betoi ka hang rindu dia? betoi ka hang nak dia? or.... i just miss being loved? tepikiaq jugak nak cari marka baru utk buktikan i miss being loved only..  tp perlu ka? perlu ka another 'plastic'? so i dunno. actually i don't know what i don't know. pffft!

rasa dibodohkan2 kadang2. u april fool, march fool, february fool january foolkan i. treat me like i am a doll. xdak perasaan, but at the end of the day i was like, sabaq aziah sabaq! u love him. bongok kan? dah bongok.. bangang pulak lagi. x gitu.

i may want you.. a lot. but please don't ever think i need you. betoi aih. hati ja ketegaq nak hang rindu hang. akai pikiran hat Allah bagi ni sikit pun tarak mau aih. buat apa? for another hurts????no.

boleh bgtau x lagu mana nak didik hati bg dia paham sikit?
payyahhhh.

dear heart, don't kill me.